Testosteround-up
Jordana Willner
Bad week for the men. Nukes, wartime denials, schoolhouse shootings, congressional scandals. If frustrated American women have their way, lock-up for males 17 to 70 can’t come too soon.
Male-free, they figure a female White House would lead gently, with less war and fear-mongering. Of course that fantasy would fade when ladyhawks Hillary and Condi, both staunchly pro-Iraq-War, raced inevitably for the presidency. Just which of these warriors is the feminized peacenik to soothe the addled nation could be pondered right through the election and into troop increases, war front expansion, and the 5000th U.S. body bag.
But at least gender segregation would free schools of male pedophiles. Finally, young girls would be safe from vile sexual predators; young boys, on the other hand, would still be sitting ducks. Female teachers, like celebrity female rapists Debra LaFave and Mary Kay Letourneau, who captured rapt national attention for their affairs with pubescent students in their respective schools, profiled a model that has gained momentum to reveal a growing tally of seductions by female teachers.
Business, however, could heal with a woman’s touch. Those clandestine backroom corporate maneuvers so typical of unscrupulous power-driven men would never happen on a woman’s watch. Pay no attention to the current meltdown of Hewlett-Packard’s Board of Directors on spying charges and the forced resignation and indictment of its Chairwoman Patrician Dunn. Most women in business are really very nice. Just ask Leona Helmsley and Martha Stewart.
Meanwhile, male cleansing would eliminate school shootings. Temporarily. But trends in world violence show suicide bombing, once exclusively the domain of men, is a growth industry for females, the culprits in such attacks as the 1991 murder of former Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi, the 2004 downing of two Russian airliners, and bombings in the Palestinian/Israeli conflict. They may be slow starters, but once a model is established, women have proven quite capable of effective copycat mass murder.
However, in an all-female populace, when scandals and mishaps did occur, citizens could count on calm, honest, reflective responses from civil and mutually engaging sisters. Masters of spin and persuasion would no longer flap smug lips and insult the collective intelligence with nonsensical denials and redirects to external blame. (This plan assumes that auxiliary quarantine space would be reserved in the male lock-up for Mary Matalin and Nancy Grace.)
How urgently respite is needed from the warmongering and pedophilia, the senseless killing and tiresome spin, the baffling excuses and irritating discharge of personal responsibility. How easy to blame the beastly chest beating and respond by waving dainty fists.
But despite the fun of rolling eyes and maligning men, as castration gains renewed appeal and estrogen supplements secure popularity in the daily recommended vitamin intake, how many clean, delicate hands are left?
Not many. Men might make all the mistakes, but at least they are creative enough to originate the bad ideas. Female leaders demonstrate the unique thought it takes to imitate the men they hold in contempt.
Men lead, and the road on which leading women continue to faithfully follow grows more disturbing. If societal segregation is the only new idea American women put forth this decade, it’s at least an original plan.
Short of that absurd scenario, perhaps in response to men’s “boys will be boys,” powerful women will finally find the motivation to say “And women are women. Now step aside boys, your house is mess.”
Meanwhile, just hope Katherine Harris and Cynthia McKinney don’t take the latest male cue and decide to learn the instant messaging feature on their Palm Pilots.
Bad week for the men. Nukes, wartime denials, schoolhouse shootings, congressional scandals. If frustrated American women have their way, lock-up for males 17 to 70 can’t come too soon.
Male-free, they figure a female White House would lead gently, with less war and fear-mongering. Of course that fantasy would fade when ladyhawks Hillary and Condi, both staunchly pro-Iraq-War, raced inevitably for the presidency. Just which of these warriors is the feminized peacenik to soothe the addled nation could be pondered right through the election and into troop increases, war front expansion, and the 5000th U.S. body bag.
But at least gender segregation would free schools of male pedophiles. Finally, young girls would be safe from vile sexual predators; young boys, on the other hand, would still be sitting ducks. Female teachers, like celebrity female rapists Debra LaFave and Mary Kay Letourneau, who captured rapt national attention for their affairs with pubescent students in their respective schools, profiled a model that has gained momentum to reveal a growing tally of seductions by female teachers.
Business, however, could heal with a woman’s touch. Those clandestine backroom corporate maneuvers so typical of unscrupulous power-driven men would never happen on a woman’s watch. Pay no attention to the current meltdown of Hewlett-Packard’s Board of Directors on spying charges and the forced resignation and indictment of its Chairwoman Patrician Dunn. Most women in business are really very nice. Just ask Leona Helmsley and Martha Stewart.
Meanwhile, male cleansing would eliminate school shootings. Temporarily. But trends in world violence show suicide bombing, once exclusively the domain of men, is a growth industry for females, the culprits in such attacks as the 1991 murder of former Indian Prime Minister Rajiv Gandhi, the 2004 downing of two Russian airliners, and bombings in the Palestinian/Israeli conflict. They may be slow starters, but once a model is established, women have proven quite capable of effective copycat mass murder.
However, in an all-female populace, when scandals and mishaps did occur, citizens could count on calm, honest, reflective responses from civil and mutually engaging sisters. Masters of spin and persuasion would no longer flap smug lips and insult the collective intelligence with nonsensical denials and redirects to external blame. (This plan assumes that auxiliary quarantine space would be reserved in the male lock-up for Mary Matalin and Nancy Grace.)
How urgently respite is needed from the warmongering and pedophilia, the senseless killing and tiresome spin, the baffling excuses and irritating discharge of personal responsibility. How easy to blame the beastly chest beating and respond by waving dainty fists.
But despite the fun of rolling eyes and maligning men, as castration gains renewed appeal and estrogen supplements secure popularity in the daily recommended vitamin intake, how many clean, delicate hands are left?
Not many. Men might make all the mistakes, but at least they are creative enough to originate the bad ideas. Female leaders demonstrate the unique thought it takes to imitate the men they hold in contempt.
Men lead, and the road on which leading women continue to faithfully follow grows more disturbing. If societal segregation is the only new idea American women put forth this decade, it’s at least an original plan.
Short of that absurd scenario, perhaps in response to men’s “boys will be boys,” powerful women will finally find the motivation to say “And women are women. Now step aside boys, your house is mess.”
Meanwhile, just hope Katherine Harris and Cynthia McKinney don’t take the latest male cue and decide to learn the instant messaging feature on their Palm Pilots.
posted by jmw at 10:58 AM
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